Hello Everyone! This is my first expierence at blogging and I hope that everyone who reads it, takes at least one thing from it, and that is Terrible things happen to so many people, and we try to cover up alot of out past pains for fear of judgement, and that someone somewhere (maybe closer than you think) that understands.
A little bit about me just to kick things off. I was born in a small town, to a loving mother, and father who never was there. I grew up in a loving family with a brother and two sisters, and grandparents aunts and uncles who were always there for us. I was shy in highschool and somewhat reserved, but I still managed to speak my mind but only when it counted.
At 18 I was raped, I still don't feel comfortable to go into all the details, but it was over a period of time with physical, emotional, verbal and sexual abuse. I was devestated, not only because I was hurt and scared, but also because this is how I lost my virginity.
I didn't speak out, and I didnt tell anyone for over a year, and the way I finally spoke up was I had a nervous breakdown. I hurt so deep inside, but I hid it, I put a smile on my face and acted like nothing had ever happened. After all if I forgot about it, I thought I would forget about it. Backfired needless to say.
My family decided that the next best thing would to be in a treatment facility for awhile. There I recieved a life changing diagnosis. Bipolar, PTSD, and A panic Disorder. Great another thing I had to hide, because of the stigma around mental Illness.
I hid for along time, I ran as far away from diagnosis as I could, Ran away from who I am, Hid the person who I really was.
It wasn't until 5 years ago that I began to learn who i was and then realize that even through all the pain and the craziness in my life that I was an amazing person that should never be hidden.
I started to open up more, and many things have happened in those five years, one was meeting the man who through all my pain, and my craziness, and my breakdowns that periodically still happen, WHO SAW ME FOR WHO I WAS NOT WHO I TRIED TO SHOW AND ENCOURAGED ME TO BE WHO I WAS WHEN NOONE WAS AROUND.
This blog is about my journey, about laughing through the tears, finding love, being yourself, and love who you are despite all the bad things that may have happened to you, or the people who told you to Change.
If only one person ever reads this and they find courage or make the decision to show the world who they really are then that will be just amazing. And even if no one ever reads this, My life will be forever changed and i have already Won because I finally jumped my last hurdle into to happiness, I'm SHOWIGN THE WORLD WHO I REALLY AM WHEN I THINK NO ONE IS LOOKING.
THE REAL CANDIE
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